BONG News for Saturday December 16th:

BONG! A prime example the Liverpool manager's ability has hit the headlines again... 94+s galore and Liverpool in tatters, no future in this GW. Stupid ratings nothing to support the squad, players like Bonucci and Busquets who will be unsellable to internal thanks to age and stupid value. With toys being ejected out the pram in a few setups are Liverpool and manager both stable?

BONG! Newcastle tipped for top 6 can’t win a game, and sit bottom of the pile, missing persons were expecting phone lines to be at peak use with Toons manager well known to go out on the sessions after losses. However much to the surprise of many Mark remains social. Keep up the good work Mark!

BONG! Nick Justice the man who out did God himself in making the world as we know it in not 6 days but 1! Has been struggling of late. After a botched move across London West Ham find themselves set for another season of shit basically. Karren Brady reportedly offered to whack out the WD40 on those inner thighs she has and spread for Justice. The conditions? Some fucking wins.

BONG! Colas remains the only man in Division 1 not to have won a game. The West Bromwich Ancient - Albion manager reportedly out of ideas. The dickie bow wearing legend of the game seemed pretty cool when asked about his chances. "While teams in Division 1 like Middlesbrough, Bournemouth and Swanse... Oh what ? they went down last season ? Fuck we’re fucked then.”

BONG! Forest fans were told last week that they should be seen and not heard after complaining of déjà vu. Apparently they’ve seen this all before. Word around Nottingham is that a certain London psychiatrist may be in high demand come the end of the season. Taking from the rich is one thing... but taking form poor and less fortunate bang out of order.

BONG! Aston V***a manager IF has brought himself a lovely ground floor window in Amsterdam’s red light district. Willing to throw himself at any top job going, surly even in the prostitution business you need to prove yourself somewhere first? Failed promotion last season cumming back hard on IF.

BONG! Reading are the latest club benefitting from their manager actually attending training and games. The players are now it’s believed having withdrawal symptoms. Commonly seen in kids who have that one favourite supply teacher taken away all too soon.

BONG! Shaun Laffey the 3rd of his name is doing wonders at Wimbledon. After successful stints at Hull and Brentford it still amazes me how he wasn’t given manager of the year. A Cup win and double promotion nothing short of a masterpiece. Surely in with a shout this year?

BONG! Scunthorpe the tropical paradise town were relegated last season, and are on course for a return to the promised land that is Division 3. Manager Phillip chained himself to the home dressing room last season in the fight to keep his job, Subsequently he was left there and Scunthorpe seem to be reaping the rewards.